I’m still pretty young and my circumstances have made me more mature than most people my age. In no way do I think that I am superior because of this. I wish I wasn’t; but this was what was given to me. I think all the time when someone my age does something I think is incredibly childish and remind myself to have patience by saying “They’re only twenty-(insert any 0-9 here),” and if I wasn’t a single parent I would probably be the same way. Once again, the way that life has played out has me thrust in between two worlds of the being young and self-absorbed and the married-with-children life. Since the latter requires so much being patient as much as I try not to, I do not have much patience for the former.
The reality is that my time is incredibly important to me. The times I do spend hanging out are few, far, and between so do not waste it. I didn’t like my time wasted before I was a parent, but at this point in life it enrages me. “Do you know what kind of amazing shit I could be doing right now? The episode of Dora where Benny the Bull gets stuck in the volcano is on!” I can’t wait until a lot of my peers or people that I’ve dated become parents. I want to see how their language and outlook changes. Hopefully, most of them will not be single parents. However, there will be a night or two when their children are a little over two years old; asking questions, climbing all over you, trying the very last nerve you have while you cling on to that last shred of patience you do have but you have to hold on to it because the child is sick. That is the moment when my time will be appreciated because they’ll finally get it.
About a week ago, a friend of mine called me. They said that they were telling their best friend who was in town vacationing about Cydney and wanted them to meet her (Because as you all know Cydney is awesome). The original plans didn’t work out (which happens a lot with non parents which I also detest because I can’t improvise like that with children) so I met them in the city. I had my nephew with me as well. They had no real plans but to walk around the city anyway.
So, I made the trek to the city from Queens since I just happened to be out that way. We hang out and everything is cool. I pay attention to details and my surroundings. The friend’s face looked like it was lees than enthused to be around. I just sat on the side and let the kids play since that’s what I came out there to let them do (Not to mention that my friend was waiting to let their sibling into their apartment building). As opposed to going where they were going, I just decided to leave. The friend that was less than enthusiastic became quite sociable when the sibling was around and was having a fairly free flowing (Alliteration!) conversation with them. As we were getting ready to leave I told my friend and they said they would talk to their friend and see what was going on. They sent me a text back saying that their friend was sorry, that they had a good time, they were just ready to drink. I just wrote back, “I understand. I’m kinda ready to drink too.” being cool about it.
Not only was I beyond pissed off, I was offended. I was offended because those are my babies. I’ve never been around anyone who doesn’t want to be around them because they hang some of everywhere, they never interrupt what’s going on, and they’re quite entertaining. That gets an automatic “Fuck you, and have a nice day” in my book. I’m doubly annoyed because it was only 6 PM on a Saturday on Fourth of July Weekend. You got all night… ESPECIALLY since the reason I came out to the city was for Y-O-U! That’s beyond foul. I didn’t tell me friend how I really felt because I didn’t my first impression of their best friend to be a burden on them or a potential problem.
Once again, I found me saying to myself “They’re only twenty-six. They don’t know better.” Marriage and parenting teach you to pick and choose your battles very well. That’s something I still have to work on. I don’t pick any battles. I sit back and keep a cool head until I’m irked repeatedly. I say that because maybe I shouldn’t give so many passes for “You’re only twenty-____” so much.
One thought on “Offended”
wow, that is just ridiculous!! First let me say that being “twenty something” is NOT an excuse to be an immature a-hole and does not warrant “patience” or “understanding”. Granted you and I are both “twenty somethings” with our own current situations and responsibilities. However, to be acting like an immature, self-centered frat-boy / sorority-girl at / near our age is NOT excusable. At this point in life, if a person wants to drink, that’s fine, but they do it on their own time and it does not take precedence over other plans. There are a lot of people I unfortunately know who have been of this mentality since they started college even… “drinking comes first, drunkeness is excusable and it doesn’t matter who gets hurt in the end as long as you can get drunk and have fun” it’s a STUPID and IDIOTIC mentality that, to be honest, in my experience does NOT benefit them when it comes to the real world.
When it comes to “social relationships”… that interactive connection between people, everyone’s time is valuable and worth something… both fiscally and physically. If someone wants your time, they should be willing to respect it, especially when you are talking about managing in the transportation of a young child which, as any parent / caretaker would attest to, is difficult unto itself. If they do not understand the value of another person’s time and investment then they are not the mature, competent “twenty something” they should be.
They don’t need patience, they don’t need compassion or forgiveness… they need a reality check. They need to be told “hey, you wasted my time… I invested time and energy here and you wasted it, that’s not ok and you either need to make ammends and fix this or get lost because you are a waste of time”
You have every right to be offended, but I wouldn’t offer “patience” or “forgiveness” because in all honesty, they’re not going to survive if everyone gives them a pass or a “i’m a little annoyed but it’s ok” notion.
I’m sorry for ranting my response, but let me just end with this… YES we ARE 20 somethings.. and we are “young adults” learning and developing in this crazy world, but we’re not “young adults” in the social sense, because we’re not teens anymore, we’re not “young college kids” anymore… we’re young professionals. Young Adults making our way in the world based on experience and maturity. We are accountable for our actions and our decisions… both personally and professionally. I don’t make the perfect decision every time, nobody does, but I do stand behind my decisions and weigh the impact of my decisions before I take that step forward and take that action.
I hope you find people who truly do respect your time and investments because those are people who respect YOU and will respect your children.