Let first start off by saying this: I know a lot of federal government employees personally who don’t deserve to be missing days off of work.
At this point in my life, the only thing I regret is not being able to marry Timile. Lord knows I wanted to. Before she was pregnant with Cydney, I had been trying my damndest to do so. I had a ring made and couldn’t afford it. Because of the recession and all that came along with it I was having a very difficult time finding work. One of the reasons I really wanted to was so that Timile and I could get married. It seemed like every time I went into an interview with referrals or I was guaranteed the job, or was actually hired things turned to shit immediately. Looking back, this was all part of God’s master plan. Had we been married, Timile got pregnant and diagnosed with cancer, our bills would have been sky high and I would be left with another six figures of debt on top of my college loans.
While I have made peace with this, that does not stop the hypothetical thoughts. If what has been nicknames Obamacare existed two years ago, a lot of things in my life would have played out differently. I left my work in New York to move to Buffalo which meant when I was working I wouldn’t have healthcare for my family. Such an institution would have taken on Timile’s preexisting condition and would have been married. When we moved to Virginia, Timile would have been covered and when her parents began to make things ridiculous I wouldn’t have left for New York looking for a position with benefits that were good enough to take on a preexisting condition such as Timile’s cancer. I would have been able to say goodbye to Timile who fought a good fight and there would have been no fighting for custody for Cydney.
In a nutshell, that’s it. There are many other people and circumstances that will be able to not only benefit from being able to be taken care of, but family units that can and will be preserved. It could be because someone has survived or it could be because they don’t have to split up in order for one to seek the medical attention they deserve.
Things play out the way that they do for a reason. Maybe we were not supposed to be married because that’ll be something new for myself and someone I marry one day if I do get married. I know I wouldn’t be the fearless person that I am now because I’ve experienced such adversity in Timile’s death and my custody battles to be reunited with Cydney. I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog if none of that had happened either.
…But that doesn’t stop the “What if’s”
Unfortunately, there isn’t anything I can think of that stops the “what if’s”, but I find that when I concentrate on the good and positive things and people in my life I think about it less. Your daughter is very Blessed to have a father like you who she knows will fight for her because you’ve already done it.
Do your best not to beat yourself up over the “what if’s” and enjoy every moment of Cydney’s childhood; it goes by too quickly.
Peace & Blessings!
Dazery
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