It’s been a little over two weeks since Cydney and I drove to Virginia. Visiting Timile’s cemetery, her parents, and revisiting the darkest time in my life has given me a lot of clarity. Being back in the Seven Cities gave proper context into where I am headed by reminding me of where I have been.
By all means I live a pretty hectic life. I often say that God knows I live for a great story so he keeps giving me good ones to tell. I think this mantra has put into the universe that I need some kind of drama or adventure in order to thrive. Making order out of chaos is a talent of mine and without it, I get bored. While I always look forward to a time where life will be less complicated I need it.
We attract who and what we currently are and this is more apparent in my dating experiences since Timile died. I was explaining to my good friend Kalique this epiphany I had about people I have been romantically linked to and he said “You needed that trip to Virginia. You had no idea that Timile would do that for you. You had no idea she would give you the go ahead to [free you] for someone else!” I hadn’t thought about it like that because I had let go and moved on from her.
Nonetheless, the last three and a half years have been very dramatic. The consensus from my constituents such as Kalique is that somehow I seem to get myself into circumstances one couldn’t make up. There is always an inquiry along the lines of “So what’s the new story?” One would think that I exaggerate many of these encounters; but some have seen them firsthand and are in disbelief how accurately I depict them. For the record: I have nothing bad to say about anyone.
The Lost Boyz were one of my favorite rap groups growing up. Like me, they were from Queens. A lot of their music was the soundtrack to adolescence living in the largest of the five boros. Only in Jamaica Queens is slain rapper and Lost Boyz hypeman Freaky Tah a part of a graffiti mural in memoriam of Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac, and Jam Master Jay…Mt. Rushmore style.
I found myself listening to a Lost Boyz playlist one night as I left a friend of mine and headed to see another. The playlist was on random and of course my phone was trolling me so it played “Me and My Crazy World.” I was feeling pretty torn because I had been wishing that things would work out with one of them. Things had ended months earlier and I had one of those random encounters in which for thirty seconds I found myself wanting “that old thing back.” At the time, I had no peace with the former and latter there was plenty.
The travel from one place to another had me thinking “If I could combine the two of these people things would be great.” However, that’s not the way life works. There was love with and for both; one brought peace and the other was happiness. The experience made me realize what I needed…peace of mind. That was the moment I first thought to myself “I need to get to Virginia.”